Reverse Beard Jenga

Today I realized if I stick small objects into my facial hair my beard will hang onto them and I can store stuff in it. Obviously the only logical step from here is to stick a bunch of stuff in there and see how much I can fit before it all starts to fall apart. For science.

Thus a game known as the 'I realized if I stick things into my beard they will get lodged in there and stay put,  I wonder how much stuff I could actually hold with my facial hair at one time?' game was born.

Renamed to 'Reverse Beard Jenga' for brevity.

I decided to use nails, because they have a nice weight to them, are a good size and shape for beard insertion.

Let's begin:


For this edition of Reverse Beard Jenga I'll be using these double headed nails that we use at my work in the winter because they are a perfect size, shape and weight. Also, because I had a pocket full of them in my coat when I came home today.



Ten nails in. My wife is standing next to me as I do this, judging me. She clearly has no appreciation for science, but I'll not be dissuaded by naysayers to important progress. That's how we got 100 years of Dark Ages.


20 nails. I'm starting to feel the weight of the nails at this point, but they're still going in there pretty easily.


40 nails.  It's getting perilous in here y'all. It's starting to feel like if I move my face at all the structural integrity of the nail matrix I've created will fail and I'll start losing 'em.

Apparently impressed by my ability to hold a lot of stuff in my facial hair, Emily seems to have come around on Reverse Beard Jenga. She's gone from telling me I'm stupid for doing this and that I need to wash my beard when I'm done because putting a bunch of dirty ass nails into it is gross, to asking me how many I'm up to now every eight seconds. 

I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I have 40 goddamn nails lodged in my beard and every time I have to answer you I feel like I'm going to shit them out of my face all over the table; so count along or back off lady!


60 Nails. That look of apprehension real people. At this point shit is getting TENSE. Each new nail has to be inserted with surgical precision for fear of knocking existing nails of out place. Each new nail is the equivalent of that part in doctor shows where the super advanced piece of equipment breaks and the nurses are all "You can't remove that man's brain tumor by freehanding that shit!" and the surgeon is all "Bish, watch me." and then sticks a ten inch needle into a dude's brain by ballparking it, gets the tumor out and somehow doesn't erase the guy's entire memory of 1992 and ability to work zippers. That's the level of precise hand/eye/beard coordination we're dealing with here.


74 nails. This was where we stopped. There was minute there where I thought I might actually make it to 100, but once I got to this point a couple of nails would fall out every time I tried to put a new one in. Once this happened a few times I decided the limit was reached.

Important work has been done here today. Questions were answered, science was scienced. Since no self respecting researcher would conclude his experiment without properly collecting the required datas; I put all the nails in a bowl and weighed them:


So there you have it. 74 nails, or nearly a pound can be safely stuck into my facial hair at one time. What a time to be alive.