My wife got a rough nights sleep last night and was on her way out the door for a 14 hour shift at the vet clinic where she works.
Tired, slightly ill and feeling generally bleak about the work day to come, she asked me:
"Can you text me throughout the day to help me get through it?"
Why yes I can dear. I decided that in order to keep her spirits up and her sense of motivation and vigor at maximum levels I should send her some inspirational quotes throughout the day.
Starting strong. When life gives you lemons is a classic, can't go wrong there. And throwing in a reference to some sort of weird hesperidium fetish really gives it a nice finish.
As you can see, she is clearly not as enthralled as she should be by the uplifting messages with which I am attempting to enrapture her. Her attempts to carry out a normal conversation with me must mean that she is insufficiently inspired. (Apparently we're doing alliteration today, just let it happen.)
Really feel like I was taking it to the next level with this one. I was all like, "Snap! Work some scathing social commentary in there by taking a cheap shot at some low hanging fruit, yeah!"
Actually I should admit, I'm so out of touch with popular culture that I first typed "look at the people from the Jersey Shore". I went back and changed when I realized that none of those people have been relevant since 2012 though.
BAM! Worked another one in there. Someone break out the industrial sized tub of ointment for all of these burns!
Still texting me normal stuff? This is getting out of hand. I have basically been pelting a steady stream of concentrated rainbows and awesomeness at her phone all day. She should pretty much be so motivated and inspired at this point that, that last text should not have read "Last appointment here. I'm ready for bed."
It should have read:
"Last appointment here. I'm ready to strap on a jetpack and fly through the air whilst shooting two guns simultaneously only one gun is actually a flamethrower that shoots democracy and the other on is a bald eagle and I fly my jetpack to the top of a mountain comprised of all my hopes and dreams and I plant a flag at the top of that mountain with my face on it and shout "F*@k YEAH, I AM THE GREATEST!"
Not to be discouraged, I've got at least one more inspirational quote for her before she gets home.
Mission accomplished. I mean, it's no jetpack bald eagle flamethrower, but I'll take it.